When you ritualize ableism …
by sisal
There are things I have wanted to say to you
for a long time. I was waiting
until I could approach you without anger,
without accusation.
But poetry is truth
and the truth is: I’m angry.
And how do I speak of what’s been done, wrongly,
without accusation being the underpinning?
I tell of three times that I witnessed
your communities claim to speak for the sacred.
Time 1: A cold night, a warm fire.
We were told the sacred asked us to brave the cold
go into the trees and listen for their voices.
I did. After some time
my legs felt needles
and I struggled to hear the voice of the sacred
beyond pain.
When I heard the drumbeat that called me back,
I saw the young ones, the dancing ones,
had remained sitting by the warmth of the fire
all along.
Time 2: A dark night in October:
clouds, no moon, and the smell of coming rain.
The ritual space is down a dark path, with piles of deadfall,
and the ritual planners, noticing the needs of an aging community,
switch the ritual space to be indoors
and are met with fury from the organizers
that the sacred is being so insulted.
(from ten years ahead, I send this blessing:
Thank you, ritual planners)
Time 3: I am being led down a path
toward the drumming circle.
I have just begun my relationship with the Fae.
The kind person leading me is telling me to hurry and
no, I can’t turn on my flashlight to see where I’m going
because the Fae don’t like the light.
Years gone by now,
I don’t come to your communities any more.
You ask more of me than I’m able to give
in so many ways.
But more than that – I’m no longer willing
to have you define the sacred
in ways that mirror your ableist shit.
I have pulled away from the human.
In my work now
the Fae tell me
“We need you among the living
for a while longer, sisal.
Shine the light if you need to.
And if you need to,
rest.
We will hold the portal.
You are always with us in spirit.”
I believe my communities need me too
but their actions, their choices
tell me they believe otherwise.
So for my own sustainability
I’ve left you
like so many of us have left you
because your claims of “inclusivity”
don’t include us.
And because
When you ritualize ableism, you are not my priestess.
When you ritualize ableism, you are not my community.
You do not speak for the ancestors.
You do not speak for the Fae.
When you ritualize ableism
You mirror who you are.
It is not who they are.
It is not who they are.
It is not who they are.
